I am exuberant about having romance in my life again. He is beautiful and everything I want my beloved to be. He is funny, sociable and easy to be with. He is honest, trustworthy and emotionally available. He is confident, reliable and most of all he is committed to me and our relationship. As I sit writing my affirmations of the attributes I want in my beloved, it is easy for the many words to flow onto the pages. I had given serious thought to what the perfect relationship would be like and now was the right time to put it down on paper, send it out to the universe and finally attract the love of my life.

I kept the list on my desk for several days, forever adding new qualities and details of my perfect love. All I wanted was to have my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. It felt like I was hanging on to a fantasy … to imagine that “I” could have such a wonderful romance in my life after what seemed like an eternity of dating toads. I finished making my list and checking it twice and only one question now remained … how was I being the love I wanted to attract?

I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction and that “like attracts like.” I wanted to feel deeply loved and, therefore, I needed to look deep within at how I love myself if I expected to receive that kind of love in return. On the surface it seemed like a redundant question, one that offered a quick response ... of course I love myself! However, these types of pondering, introspective questions are rarely answered with an immediate reply. I realized that I had to take a penetrating look at my beliefs about myself and who I was in relationship with others. But even more importantly, I had to discover who I was in relationship with myself.

I went back to my list, those well detailed pages of who I wanted the love of my life to be. These attributes now became my measure of how I wanted to be. Certainly it would be easier for me to remain in a fantasy world, dreaming about my perfect love, but I realized that I was the only one who could change my love experiences. I had to change how I was thinking about love. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

I decided to take each aspect of my list and turn the statements into questions directed at me. For example, one of the things I want in my beloved was someone who is truthful. Most of the relationships I had been in thus far were wrought with deceit. So I asked, “Linda, how are you always being truthful with yourself?” At a deeper level I knew I didn’t always speak my truth. I would hide my true feelings and intentions because I felt ashamed or not good enough to express what I actually believed. Another aspect that was very important to me is to have someone who is easy to get along with. Again I asked, “Linda, how easy are you to get along with?” I wanted to answer very easy, but in truth, I was only easy to get along with when it was convenient for me and I certainly wasn’t very easy on myself! It seemed I had a bit of loving to do towards myself before someone could love me back.

My journey of self-love continues and I am constantly challenging myself and my values. Regard, kindness and respect are some aspects I include in my inner inquiry. I simply ask myself, Linda … how are you showing yourself______? Gone are the days when I live in the fairytale that Prince Charming will ride up on his white stallion, sweep me off my feet and we’ll ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after! That being said, my beloved did show up in my life and my current reality is wonderful. He is a beautiful and good man. He possesses many of the attributes on my list, which by the way, are the same attributes I now possess. The more I love myself, the more he loves me. The surest way to have the love of your life arrive in your life is for you to first become the love of your own life!

Linda Pizzale works as an inspirational speaker, empowerment coach, writer, and spiritual mentor. She is a specialist in personal and spiritual growth, relationship building, and personal magnetism. Linda is a regular columnist for Women with Vision magazine and also co-coordinators a chapter of the Women with Vision Networking groups. Linda is passionate about assisting people in remembering their greatness and living their best life. Visit her web site at