THE ELUSIVE PERFECT MATE!
I wish to express a very special thanks to all my clients who take the time to send e-mails to share their concerns, worries, successes, triumphs, and yes, even grumbles. Your feedback and questions inspire me to continue to seek a greater understanding of our everyday concerns.
A very common question revolves around the subject of relationships: I'm no longer in love with my partner; is there a perfect mate out there for me? How can I find the perfect mate? So many people are entrenched in unsatisfying relationships; it almost makes you want to remain single! But, there's no better feeling than curling up at the end of a particularly stressful day with the one you love, is there? So we keep hoping, and wishing and looking ...
How about taking a novel approach: how about doing something about it instead of waiting for it to happen? In other words, be proactive ...
Now, unless you're seven years old and a big fan of Disney, you probably stopped waiting for Mr/Ms Perfect to come along and sweep you off your feet, with visions of the two of you slipping into an everlasting fantasy of marital perfection. Ok. Now that we've got that myth out of the way, let’s talk about the perfect mate.
If you've lost that magic that once made your partner seem like the perfect mate, you may want to take another look at how you approach your relationship. If you're single, you may want to observe your attitudes towards the people in your life.
Be the Perfect Mate
If you want to have the perfect mate, the quickest and easiest way (okay, maybe not so quick and easy if you've drifted so far apart that you can't remember each other's favourite food, but then who said relationships were easy ... oh yes, Disney ...) anyways ... the best way to have the perfect mate is to be the perfect mate. Confusing?
Think about it. It's really quite simple. Our responses and behaviour towards others are, up to a point, subject to how they treat us. If you are treated with dignity and respect, you are more likely to respond in kind than if you are belittled, abused or criticized. If you want to have the perfect mate, then work at being the perfect mate.
A few tips on being the perfect mate.
- Set aside quality time with your life partner every week. Write it in your agenda. Like a prized gardenia, if you nurture and care for your relationship, in time it will blossom and reward you with a warm and lasting love.
- If you desire romance, take the time to discover what your partner finds romantic. Chances are that you don't have the same triggers. Men and women are quite different, you know ... Your partner will want to return in kind; remember that giving is much easier than receiving. Besides, you might discover some exciting new turn-ons!
- Before you open your mouth and express a criticism or negative comment, ask yourself, “How would I feel if my partner said the same to me?” Shifting the focus outside yourself can teach you much about the attitudes that cause rifts in your relationships.
- Ensure that you listen to your partner with an ear to understanding rather than with an ear to feeding your own point of view. If you don't understand, ask your partner to explain. Understanding and empathy build trust, a necessary ingredient for a long lasting relationship.
- Ask your partner what they want, or feel, or like. Because you've been married 18 years doesn't mean that you know everything about him/her. People's interests and tastes change over time. Avoid making assumptions; they often lead to misunderstandings. Take the extra time to ask. When someone asks for your opinion, you feel valued and trusted and even important.
- Let your partner know that you understand how they feel when they are going through difficult times. Set your own needs aside long enough to be sensitive to your partner's concerns. When nothing seems to be going right, nothing can replace the warmth and security of a loving partnership.
- Do little things that make your partner feel loved and important. Sometimes, a brief "I love you" e-mail sent between meetings on a busy day at the office can make the other person's day.
- Look for creative ways to resolving differences; join forces and make it a joint project rather than a tug of war, or worse, a power struggle. Being adversaries drains the trust and love, while being on the same team builds strength, respect and trust.
- Avoid the urge to "be right." Being right implies that your partner is "wrong," or on the losing team. Consequently, you will be alone in your victory. That's no fun!
Of course, the perfect mate will value the relationship as much as you do, and will want to invest the necessary time and effort in the relationship. But, by simply being the perfect mate, by showing love, understanding and empathy rather than standing there waiting for it, your partner is very likely to naturally respond in kind. By the same token, the health of your relationship is likely to improve a hundred fold.
Pauline Edward, author, speaker, astrologer
Author, Astrological Crosses in Relationships
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Pauline Edward is the founder of A Time for Success. She has over 35 years experience in astrology and numerology, including research, writing, lecturing, teaching and consultation, and has lectured in Canada and the US to various organizations, and regularly lectures for local libraries, bookstores, community and business organizations and groups. She is also a certified reflexologist and Bach Flower consultant, and Reiki practitioner. A Time for Success is the proud winner of a West Island of Montreal Chamber of Commerce Accolades 2003 award, which recognizes excellence in the business community.
Pauline maintains a practice in the Montreal West Island area, serving a broad clientele across Canada, the US, Asia and Europe, offering consultation and coaching services for individuals and businesses, including business owners, corporate executives, entrepreneurs, artists, scientists, doctors, office staff, professionals, therapists, educators and students.
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