No matter how many years you have been together as a couple, your relationship deserves the same kind of attention it received at the beginning. Surprisingly, this is often not the case in many relationships. Just as starting a new relationship requires effort, so does maintaining a successful one. Unfortunately, many forget that when their relationship ends and they go to start a new one, they’re going to have to put in the effort then. The question is, “Why not now?”

I remember my first marriage. We had been a couple for seventeen years. Unfortunately, our relationship lacked in the romance department. Despite many attempts and pleas on my part, I could pretty much count the number of dates we had on my two hands. Suffice it to say, loneliness and resentment inevitably consumed the relationship and our marriage ended.

I often hear similar stories from clients, colleagues, and friends, saddened that their relationship has little or no zest. However, before we go and point the finger at our partner, we need to first ask ourselves if we’ve really made a conscious effort to do our part. Have we voiced our concerns to our partner? Have we been clear and specific about what we want? Did we approach our partner lovingly without blame? Or are we basing our disappointment and frustration on assumptions we’ve made—that our mate should know better since, of course, we already do … or do we?

Here’s another question that stops some people dead in their tracks. When was the last time you asked your partner out on a date? This goes for the ladies too. Dating, you ask? Isn’t that something you do before you move in together? As my teenaged daughter would say, “Not!” And if your partner declined your warm invitation, did you happen to ask your partner out again? Many lament, “But I’ve already tried.” I invite you to heed the words of wisdom from Yoda, the green pint-sized creature in Star Wars: “There is no try, there is only do,” and do and do.

Dating is not about putting your partner first, but your relationship. It is an excellent means and opportunity for the two of you to discover each other anew, rekindle the flame, and grow closer together. Someone’s got to get the ball rolling, so why not you? And hey, did you know that May is “Date Your Mate Month”? What a perfect lead in to ask your honey out on a date!

Take action now! Kick-start your love life! You and your partner both deserve it. Always remember—the reason you’re together as a couple is because you dated.

Copyright © 2006. Romance Unlimited™.
A division of LDH Enterprises Inc.

Leona Hamel is a Romance Agent™, speaker, coach and author of The ABC’s of Tease and Please: A Romance Handbook, and a contributing author to A First Serving of Milk and Cookies for Success. Passionate about human connection, she works with men and women who are ready to live an extraordinary relationship and experience more passion, fun, and success in their lives.

Leona can be reached at or 613-830-3560